Insistence Creates Resistance

September 12, 2012

Have you ever observed the battle of wills between a parent and a child? The parent insists that the kid should eat his vegetables. The child, in his fury, resists. The more the parent demands a certain action, the more the child refuses to deliver that action.

The Universe is like that too.

When we insist upon something, stomping our feet like little children, we are creating a wall of energy against the very thing we demand. It is universal law.

And what we resist persists. Have you ever noticed that too? When we are in fear about something, we automatically show resistance, which sets up the same wall of energy that sustains the thing we wish to repulse. We become attractor points for that which we push away.

Insistence is the pull. Resistance is the push. In both cases, we don’t get what we want. And we feel horrible in the process.

I have learned a great deal about letting go this past summer. When we spend all our energy hoping to avert the worst case scenario, we are placing all our attention on that which we don’t want to happen. And because we have fed it so much of our power, we are left drained and the fear grows. We then create the very circumstances we wanted to circumvent by our sheer level of concern.

Someone once said worrying is like praying for what you don’t want.

The next time you find yourself insisting on something (whether to a child, your partner or even God), remember this: what you insist resists and what you resist persists. You can shift a great deal of energy by simply taking a different action. Divert your attention to something else. Move forward without concern. Have confidence that your choice is the right one for you.

Surrender, my friends. And do it with all the grace you can muster. In one simple act of loving release, you will be set free.

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Dare to Surrender

August 25, 2012

At the very beginning of this marvelous summer (or winter, for you Southern Hemisphere readers), I wrote of surrender. As any writer will tell you, we mostly write about the things we need to learn most.

And so it is with this blog.

A lot of the advice, truths and ideas I have set forth have been lessons I have learned and/or am in the process of learning. I’m walking the same path as you. While being an expert is somehow praised in our society, I am only an expert of my own life, as you are with yours. What I can say is surrender is by far the hardest, and perhaps most important, lesson we can learn.

So often we want things that are just beyond our grasp. We place great effort into it, such as writing that book proposal or convincing a client that your counsel is warranted, but what happens is what happens. And we can only do so much to influence the outcome of events.

When we enter the Surrender Room, we access a power far greater than ourselves. We are able to be highly involved with what we are doing without the attachment to the outcome. We liberate ourselves from the dependency on other people’s responses. Our truth remains, no matter the circumstances. We simply do what we need to do, then move on.

Instead of wasting our energy on things that are beyond your control, focus on the things you can.

How you choose to spend your time is one of the things you can do a lot about. You may feel trapped in a job you hate or in a relationship that needs to change, but all told, you can decide how to deal with it.

It’s not that some people have better lives than others. It is how you cope with the challenges at hand that determine the quality of your days.

I dare to surrender to the All Knowing Force. As scary as it may be, I see it as the most empowering choice we can make as human beings.

Will you join me?

 

In our device-driven world, we are not only connected with our families and friends at the touch of a button, we are also sincerely disconnected when we misplace the tools that let us connect in the first place.

Original Photo at MindfulBalance.org

Take my iPhone, that went missing for eleven hours and 26 minutes this weekend. Yes, I counted. Someone had mistaken it for his and had tucked it into his pocket before leaving my friend’s house. At the time I did not know what had happened. I just knew it was one of those “now you see it, now you don’t” scenarios. I tried calling it, but it was late. And on mute. So I was forced to go to bed, fretting that all my contacts had gone adrift in the blink of an eye.

We got down to the bottom of it by the morning and my iPhone was returned. But it got me to thinking about what happens when the tools upon which we so rely suddenly disappear.

For some it feels as if we’ve disappeared too.

Who are you without your smartphone? An avatar? A shadow of your true self?

It’s problematic, and can be life-threatening when taken too far. On the flight back from Berlin to Munich, my seatmate was fiddling with his phone as we were in a holding pattern just outside our landing zone (can you say iPhone addiction?). I strained to see whether it was in flight mode and think it may not have been. The flight was just over an hour. Couldn’t it wait?

I recalled the panic I had felt just the day before when I thought my phone was gone forever. We are so dependent on our machines. And I question whether that’s really a good thing.

Then another gadget took leave without saying goodbye: my pulse watch that measures the caloric burn during my spinning class. I had to borrow one at the gym because I couldn’t find mine. I felt the now-familiar iPhone fret hover over me. Then I stopped myself and said, “It’s just time to let go.”

In the moment I uttered those words, I looked down to see it lying on the table in the washroom where I had upturned most everything else.

Letting go is a great lesson to learn. Life keeps trying to teach me that one. How about you?