Where is Your Entrance?

Usher sings about searching for himself in his title album Looking 4 Myself. He says he finds himself in someone else. I think that is partly true. We are social animals and we need each other to serve as mirrors of our true selves. Sometimes we meet people who help us discover what we already have inside. They tease it out of us, sometimes on purpose, other times simply because that is who they are.

Self-discovery is a necessary part of our lives. It is an exciting journey that ends with our last breath. One of the most encouraging things I heard was an eighty-year-old woman who said she recently found herself for the first time and she liked what she saw. With a gleam in her eye, she had unearthed her true self. It took eighty years, but there she was! Hopeful for the future.

Entering into all parts of ourselves can be a daunting task because we sometimes find things we didn’t realize we carry with us. It forces us to reshape how we see ourselves and the world around us. Yet it is the most rewarding experience if you really allow yourself to see.

Being forward-looking is a part of our anatomy. If we wouldn’t have a vision for the future, how could we make sense of the now? Yet sometimes we get caught up in the what-if scenarios that we forget how to live right here. At this very moment.

The paradox is that although we are set up to live into the future, all we really have is now.

So it is up to us to juggle our future desires with our current condition and to find a beautiful balance between what is and what could be.

Now go find that entrance into yourself and explore those caverns. Perhaps we will meet somewhere along the way to share a moment of now.

I’d like that. Would you?

The Fundamental Principle in Life

Pilates. The single most fabulous way to come into alignment with oneself. Most Wednesdays I take a pilates class at my gym. The teacher is beyond amazing. It is as if we are one, experiencing what it’s like to move our bodies this way. It is a delicious time-out in the middle of the week, a gift I give to myself as often as I can.

Exercise can be an act of self-love, an empowering part of your self-care program. After all, our bodies are the temples of our soul. And when we care for them, great things can happen! Take your feet, for instance. Have you thanked them lately for carrying you every which way? Or your hands? What marvelous instruments they are! They can do all kinds of things (such as playing Mozart ~ yes, I am still just shy of heaven after that Salzburg concert. Sigh.). Or what about your ears? Have you shown them appreciation for all that they do day in and day out? What do you tell those ears of yours? Have you really listened to what you say to yourself?

“I don’t have time to exercise, eat well, sleep enough, have fun, fill-in-the-blank…”

My guess is you have said one of the above a time or two. I know I have.

Taking care of oneself is a fundamental principle in life, yet so often we are torn between our own needs and the needs of others. If you are a helping kind of person, you may make decisions based on the welfare of everyone else and not on your own. That might work well for a while, but soon enough you may start to notice a soul-level wear and tear that can lead to extreme exhaustion and even burnout. That’s where Slow can truly help.

There is Slow in the word ‘no’. As my friend Donald Pillai so brilliantly said recently:

[L]ife is not about being in ‘yes’ with others as much as it is being in ‘yes’ with yourself.

That includes saying ‘no’ to certain things, even if you could do them. It’s not about the ‘could’, but about what’s most important.

If we are going to change the world, we need our rest, nourishment and a high level of fun to sustain us for those times when we need our energy the most.

If you could do just one thing to take care of yourself today, what would it be?

Momshell – Self-Care the slow way

“Never leave the house without your lipstick and pearls,” my grandmother would say. As long as you had those things, she claimed, you were considered fully dressed. She was of an era of up-dos and crinolin. She had class, style, and charisma.

The Associated Press recently asked me what I thought about the term ‘momshell’. Quite honestly, I had never heard of the word before. But it says a lot about self-care today. We women want to be visible even when we have children.

I remember the first time I felt invisible. All eyes were on the baby, and I was the backdrop. It felt strange, and oddly comforting, as if I didn’t have to be on display anymore, sporting a size 4 or sucking in my stomach to look like all those 18-year-old models. Being pregnant liberated me from belts and other restrictive clothing.

Then came the transition into toddlerhood, when the children and my parenting became more transparent. Their behavior reflected on me, and suddenly I became centerstage again. Only this time the stage was cluttered with rotten tomatoes thrown at us non-perfect moms.

Momshells are women who care for themselves, who want to look and feel good. I mentioned Michelle Obama as an example of someone who is beautiful inside and out and who has made the sacrifices of motherhood more visible. That, to me, is beauty in motion. And a dash of lipstick can never hurt.